For the person experience depression, these comments and ways of thinking about depression only heap on more shame, more guilt, more feelings of worthlessness, and further down the depression hole we go. Sometimes the most pure, loving, intent to snap the depressed individual out of their condition can be extremely detrimental. It’s a fine line that takes those caring for and loving someone who struggles with depression to do the work to become educated on how to cope with their depressed loved ones.
Though we as a society have become more aware of the prevalence and symptoms of depression, we still live in a state of negative social stigma. I have so much respect for my peers that have stepped out with courage and been public with their struggles with depression, bi-polar disorder, and borderline personality disorder. They help pave the way for more individuals to come forward and share their experiences with whatever mental health difficulties they may.
Personally, I’ve experienced extreme depression brought on by Seasonal Affective Disorder. AKA, I hate the winters in Michigan. After living in sunny Colorado for 5 years, this transition has been the worst. My symptoms of depression with this are the general self-loathing, struggling to find why I matter, a shit ton of negative self-talk, inability to get out of bed, sleeping 12-15 hours a day, and feeling really fuzzy in the head. The fuzz in the head part has caused me to be unable to focus on my reading for Seminary (90% of my workload is reading). The absolute disappointment and shame of not be able to get up for school and do my work has compounded my feelings of worthlessness and even more shame. I had a friend/classmate yesterday respond to my explanation of my struggle with depression this semester tell me that I just needed to “manage my time better”. I’ll just let you figure out how I felt about that. I told a professor the other day that sometimes I just feel like a prisoner of my mind and body. Nothing I do let’s me out of that space. I want to be able to make my mind up to move past this blackness but I can’t will it and it feels so defeating.
I saw an illustration of depression the other day. It was a man that was as black as black could be, zipping up the suit of his normal body to go out into the world to work for the day. That’s how I feel most days lately. I have to suit up and wear a happy face to get my obligations taken care of. Being a generally easy going, laughable, humorous, jolly, gal - to maintain that standard during seasons of depression is exhausting! It’s not that I’m pretending but there’s something much deeper and darker going on inside.
Depression can affect anyone of us. Attending seminary and having to be vulnerable with our peers for the benefit of our formation has opened my eyes; so many of us deal with this. No one profession is exempt (I’m sure we’d all like think our pastors and Priest are exempt), therapist, teachers, politicians, etc. In conclusion, please practice compassion with those you come in contact with. You truly never know what battles they are facing or if they had to “suit” up for the day. Educate yourselves on depression and how to love someone facing it. In your attempts to love, you might damage. In your attempts to uplift, you might hurt. When one practices compassion, one can never go wrong.
