Dynamics of The Call

         During one of my first classes at Western Theological Seminary, the professor of my Entering Ministry class said, "This class is hopefully going to teach you how to not be an asshole".  This was first prefaced with the fact that most who are called to pastoral work display some narcissistic personality traits.  (At Western we start our education off by taking an in-depth 2 1/2 hour long personality and psychological test, which is used to determine our ministry fitness and aid us in our growth in that fitness while we are attending.)  Wow! Narcissistic traits?!
         At first I was shocked to hear this.  Upon further thought it makes sense.  When one gets a call from GOD, OUR CREATOR, DA MAN, to do his work, it can make us feel chosen, singled out for his purpose, and more prized then the rest.  It's like God hiring you to be his employee for his Divine purpose and most of us didn't even apply for the job!  At Seminary you have a whole bunch of us that have felt this call.  We sit around discussing theology for fun in our free time.  We can get pretty lofty in our ideas and occasionally stuck in our intellectual ivory towers during this formative time in our education and ministry.  But here is the thing I'm recognizing.....
         The more filled with knowledge we get, the more we are recognizing our own inadequacies.  The closer we get to pastoring congregants, the more we are stripped bear of any thoughts of "Hell yeah! God chose me"! and we are left with...why me?  Why me to fulfill this purpose?  It's not about self-doubt but rather just realizing that we aren't something extra special.  We are broken people just like the rest and no amount of studying theology and scripture can cause us to get the mystery of God just right! An important thing to note that whether or not you are formally educated in such matters, your Baptism has ordained you to minister to people just as any of us that have been called to formal ministry.  We are members of ONE body and we each have a role to fill.  One is not more important than the other; but we have roles to fill.
          The pressure to be absolutely morally sound and have all your shit together as a pastor is intense.  This pressure is not being put on us by our professors but rather ourselves.  We recognize that the integrity of our actions and words infiltrates the water of our church (good or bad) and that's a big deal! This deep call/responsibility to God, ourselves, friends, family, and our church is terrifying! Because as a pastor, I am human too and despite my efforts, I am still flawed.
        So, I think my class is working.  Seminary is full of beautiful knowledge, a wonderful community of which at times is my lifeline, and more than anything has completely ripped me open to the acknowledgement of my humanity.  I'm not formally being taught how to not be an asshole but it's happening in the process.  Why?  Being self-aware and transparent with God.  The closer we draw to him the more we come to understand ourselves in him.  Knowledge is great and necessary to lead but remember, our baptism ordained us as ministers and God has always chosen those who don't make the most perfect sense to lead his church.  It's not because we are something special in the world, but rather because we are special to God.